What Does Yoga Off the Mat Look Like? Part 1.

The Yamas: Ancient Restraints for a Modern Ego

​I dedicate this article to a friend of mine, Pat,  who is currently exploring the sutras.

It could be argued that the origins of yoga were not physical but psychological — disciplines designed to cultivate restraint, focus, and ultimately a life less driven by ego.

Yoga was a system for transforming how we think and therefore how we behave.
At the root of many of our reactive patterns is a deep drive to be loved and accepted. Our unrestrained, ego-driven actions are often attempts to prove our worth — a worthiness that feels buried and uncertain. (For a deeper exploration of this idea, see Freedom: The End of the Human Condition by Jeremy Griffith.)
According to Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, compiled between 200 BCE and 500 CE, there are five restraints (yamas) to regulate our impulses and five observances (niyamas) to actively cultivate.
In modern psychological language, we might call this system self-regulation paired with mindful awareness.
Below are the five restraints — and how I practice them in the 21st century.

1. Non-Violence (Ahimsa)

Emotional warning signs: impatience, anger, frustration, snappiness, guilt, withdrawal.
Despite how dramatic the word violence sounds, it exists on a spectrum — from subtle self-criticism and sarcasm, to self-sabotage and self-abandonment, to physical harm toward self or others.
Most violence begins internally.
Breath patternThe breath often becomes shallow, fast, or held. The exhale shortens. The jaw tightens. The body prepares to defend or attack.
Common thoughts

• “This shouldn’t be happening.”
• “They’re wrong.”
• “I’m such an idiot.”
• “How dare you!.”

Violence is usually a nervous system reaction before it is a moral failure.
Practice: I slow down deliberately. I lengthen the exhale. I name what’s happening. I widen perspective through self-talk. Sometimes I use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to affirm: I am safe in this moment.
Non-violence is less about suppressing anger and more about interrupting escalation.

2. Truthfulness (Satya)

Emotional warning signs: shame, guilt, defensiveness, fantasy, denial, unworthiness.
It’s easy to see when a five-year-old distorts reality to avoid punishment. They cling to a narrative because the narrative protects their fragile sense of self.
Adults do the same — just more subtly.
Distorting reality protects reputation and identity. Seeing things clearly can feel destabilizing. It may puncture our self-image. Sometimes reality feels so deflating that fantasy and denial are preferable.
Breath patternThe breath may become tight in the chest. Sometimes we hold it unconsciously. There can be a subtle freeze — a bracing against exposure.
Common thoughts

• “If I admit this, I’ll lose respect.”
• “It’s not that bad.”
• “They don’t understand me.”
• “I’ll deal with it later.”

But when I stay with the discomfort and tell the truth — especially to myself — something steadies.
I feel less defensive. More solid. More adult. More present.
And interestingly, people tend to trust you more when you are not subtly protecting an image.
Truthfulness is not brutal honesty — it is alignment with reality.

3. Non-Stealing (Asteya)

Emotional warning signs: laziness, jealousy, envy, competitiveness, indifference.
Like violence, stealing exists on a spectrum.
It includes obvious theft — but also taking shortcuts, cutting corners, stealing time, stealing credit, stealing energy, or looking to others to fill an internal lack.
Psychologically, it reflects blurred boundaries and scarcity thinking.
For me, stealing shows up when I want the reward without the process. When I ignore small responsibilities to get what I want faster. When I look externally to soothe an internal emptiness.
Breath patternThe breath can become quick and anticipatory — almost hungry. There may be a subtle forward-leaning energy in the body.
Common thoughts

• “I deserve this.”
• “No one will notice.”
• “I need to get this before it’s gone.”
• “They have more than me.”

Stealing erodes self-respect quietly. It builds entitlement. And entitlement is the seed of greed.
Non-stealing is about sufficiency. Doing the work. Respecting boundaries — including my own.

4. Moderation (Brahmacharya)

Emotional warning signs: lust, greed, restlessness, boredom, compulsive fantasizing, depression, victimhood.
In an age of instant gratification, excess is normalized. The message is constant: More makes you better.
More status. More attention. More stimulation. More achievement.
But chasing highs often leads to crashes. Excitement is followed by exhaustion. Elation followed by dysfunction.
Breath patternThe breath can become elevated and excited when chasing stimulation — then heavy and collapsed when depleted.
Common thoughts

• “This will make me feel alive.”
• “Just one more.”
• “If I get this, I’ll finally feel okay.”
• “Nothing is happening — I need something.”

Moderation is not repression. It is intelligent channeling of energy.
I try not to attach too tightly to the highs so that the lows don’t drag me into despair. Steady energy builds resilience. Extremes destabilize it.

5. Non-Grasping (Aparigraha)

​Emotional warning signs: neediness, clutching, grandiosity, insecurity, boredom.
Hoarding is not just about objects.
We hoard status. Identity. Relationships. Knowledge. Even suffering.
We accumulate to patch a sense that something is missing.
I once repeated a mantra daily: Being free means having nothing, knowing nothing, being no one. It’s extreme — even confronting — but it exposes how tightly we identify with what we possess or perform.
Breath patternGrasping often shows up as holding the breath — a subtle clench. The body contracts. The diaphragm tightens.
Common thoughts

• “I can’t lose this.”
• “I need more.”
• “If I let go, I’ll disappear.”
• “Without this, who am I?”

Non-grasping is not indifference. It is loosening the fist.
When the breath softens and lengthens, the grip often does too.

The yamas are not moral commandments. They are psychological diagnostics.
They help us notice when ego is driving from fear rather than groundedness. And they offer a simple intervention point: awareness of breath, awareness of thought, and the choice not to escalate.

(This piece was edited with the help of AI)
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Next week: Part 2 — The Observances (Cultivating Awareness - Niyamas).

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